Wisdom, lessons, and many experiences accompany us on our journey through life. And we can all admit that we are much wiser now than we were 10 years ago (At least I hope you are). Most people have negative views on aging. Getting older includes additional bills, responsibilities, and stress in most people’s lives. Despite some negative things that accompany aging, there are many pleasures that chaperon climbing the age ladder.
The 20s and 30s: Just the Beginning
You’re still growing into an adult your 20s and 30s. Around the early 20s most of us are graduating from college and stepping into our new careers. Or if you’re like me, you graduated from college and moved across the world to another country to start your adult life.
According to a National Institute of Mental Health study, the human brain is not fully mature until age 25. So, technically I just became a real “adult” a few months ago. Anyways, this is supposed to be a time in your life where you are highly impressionable, especially between 20-25 years old. We haven’t created our own definition of intimacy and sexual fulfillment yet. Instead, these ideas are influenced by our religion, media, family, and friends.
Pyschocentral.com states that between 26 and 30, we experience a wakeup call causing us to question who we are. I started this process around 23 or 24 though. It’s in our late 20s that we will begin to express our own beliefs about intimacy, love, sex, relationships, etc.
However, we are still in the beginning phases of figuring everything out. Our emotional intimacy grows slowly as we swiftly move from one relationship to the next without much self-evaluation for most. Within the last year or so, I’ve felt the need to evaluate myself more and more after each relationship. These evaluations have been helping me to understand myself more and better control the direction of my life.
On the other hand, many people are embracing sexual exploration during their 20s to 30s. The hookup culture era has created a false sense of sexual and emotional intimacy. People are often engaging in long-term commitments or marriages without ever experiencing true intimacy based off of temporary emotional attachments. I can attest to the struggle for genuine connections these days when seeking a partner. For many people in the age range (and outside of this age range) sex plays a major role in their relationship. However, sex shouldn’t be the only role in your relationship unless that’s your arrangement.
The 30s to 40s: The Light Years
This is the time when people are most sure of what they need emotionally and physically. Our foundation is no longer based upon outside influences. Our relationships should be focused upon deep personal connections. We should be in a space where we can co-create emotional and sexual intimacy with our partner.
But there is also a risk of co-dependency during this time. We all have times in our life when we felt abandoned or rejected that caused some emotional distress for us. Those feelings of broken unworthiness cause co-dependency. It created as a survival mechanism, but co-dependency blocks intimacy from progressing.
The desire for deep intimacy or level five of intimacy can only be achieved once we’ve learned to accept ourselves without judgement. The 30s and 40s is where we build our confidence and heal from our past relationships. People experience emotional and sexual illumination that allows them to fully enjoy deep intimate relationships built to last.
Our drive to break through or past wounds and define our own lives is the strongest in our 30s and 40s. Thus we can be fearless in our pursuit of deep intimacy and experience much more pleasure from our relationships than in the past.
Our love for ourselves gets better with age. In return, our love for others also gets better with age. Oh and the sex? You can bet your life that it will be on a level you’ve never experienced before as well.