Relationships are an inevitable part of life that everyone must go through regardless of age, race, religion, gender, sexual orientation, socio-economic status, etc. Connecting with others is our human nature. Whether it’s through family, friends, work colleagues, or romantic partners, we need people to survive. However, finding the right people to survive with is where the trials and tribulations kick in.
Throughout our life we will come across many relationships that are not aligned with us. Those kinds of relationships end in breakups. Cold, hurtful, painful, brutal breakups that leave you wondering WTF just happened. Okay, not all breakups end badly, but most do.
Nevertheless, breakups are no picnic for anyone involved. Both people have to adjust to a life without each other after spending so much time together. It’s almost like breaking up takes just as much time as it did to build a relationship. The breakup blues is real y’all.
But… there is a way to overcome the funky breakup blues. I implemented these strategies below after my recent breakup and am still practicing them now.) They have definitely made my transition so much smoother the moment I started them.
Not going to dwell on the past too long, but I just want to be real with my audience about my recent breakup. I was still mourning the loss of my father and readjusting to life in Korea without my family, when my partner had an epiphany that a relationship was not what they wanted at this point in their life via texting. Umm… okay… bye… forever.
But I believe that everything happens for a reason. I’m only twenty-something. I’m just getting started, the best has yet to come for all of us. So, if you’re experiencing, experienced, or know someone going through a crappy breakup, the tips below will help you stage your comeback season. Even if you’re not going through a breakup, read it anyways. Apply these tips to any area of your life that you deem appropriate. Life is a cycle, where one door closes another will open as soon as you’re ready for it.
1. It’s not about you, it’s bigger than you
- There is a good reason why your relationship with that person didn’t work out. Whatever that reason may be, just trust and believe that it’s for your best interest. Rejection is either protection or redirection. Either way, it’s a win for you. You are always winning, no matter what the situation is.
- At this point, you have an opportunity to be grateful for the experience you shared with your partner. The good, bad, and ugly parts of that relationship will aid you in the future. Things are always working out for you.
2. In order for you to reach the next level, you have to make peace with where you are
- Constructively analyze your emotional triggers. Guilt, anger, depression, denial, etc. are some emotions that may come up as you move toward your inner peace. Allow each emotion come and go until the only feeling left is that of tranquility. Don’t be a sponge, just flow like water.
3. Forgive the other person and yourself
- When things don’t work out, it’s easy to blame someone else for your unhappiness. However, the reality of the situation is that it’s YOUR life and nobody else’s. Take responsibility for your decisions. Then forgive and let it go.
4. Mindfully re-center yourself for your new solo adventure
- Take time to rebuild your self-confidence as a solo artist. Remind yourself of who you are and what you want in life. Practice meditation, yoga, hiking, affirmations, writing, etc. Any activity that allows you to get in tuned with yourself, do it. Bask in the glory of only having to worry about yourself. Recreate your solo identity. Do a self-check in and evaluate if your interests or goals have changed after your relationship.
5. Spend time with people that really love you and want to be around you
- It’s a joyous feeling to spend time with people that love and care about you. Relish in their company as much as you can. Laugh more, smile more, allow your heart to give and receive love with people that deserve it.
6. Make feeling good a top priority in your life
- At this time, do what you enjoy doing. Focus on all the things in your life that you have to be grateful for. Feeling good has to be more important to you than being angry or seeking revenge. Whenever you have a thought or you are doing an activity, ask yourself if it’s in alignment with your desire to feel good. If it’s not, then change to something that will put you back on your path to feeling good.
7. Remember time heals ALL, if you allow it to
- The farther we get from a situation, the less attached we become. However, you have to allow yourself to become detached to the situation as well. How many times have you been reminded about something that happened years ago, but you still get angry all over again when someone brings it up? You didn’t release anything over that time that passed. You just got older and bitter. So, distance your emotions as you allow time to show you the better things in life.
This is your opportunity to write a new chapter in your life. You can choose to write one full of drama, depression, anger, and resentment. Or you can choose to write one full of laughter, love, joy, and excitement. A breakup just means that something or someone better was in store for you. I hope that these methods can help you get back to seeing the beauty that is in and around your life. Good luck kicking the breakup blues right in its ugly face.